BLOGG # 62 THE GREAT DELUGE

Well it is finally here- the Great Autumn Deluge! Two days ago, I was sitting on the patio of my favourite coffee shop basking in the sun for two hours in my brief summer top, and today it is raining. I use ,deliberately, this West Coast understatement to describe today's weather. I watched the deluge from the window for some time, the rain slashing down sweeping sideways in the strong wind and forming lake- like puddles on the pavement, then impulsively decided it was time to go out for a walk in it. There followed a flurry of hunting for boots, rain jackets, scarves and umbrellas.Suitably clad, I ventured forth in the deluge and immediately my umbrella inverted and broke. So there I was sloshing through the puddles under my broken umbrella, my waterproof jacket, sweatpants and sturdy boots soaked through. Was I unhappy? Was I miserable? not on your life!  A true West Coaster, I happily slogged along, reminiscing about other walks in seasonal rains- Spring rains in Melancholy Barcelona two years ago,walking ghostlike through the abandoned narrow streets heavy with atmosphere - a black and white forties' war movie- and ending with a coffee in a Tapas Bar- a pensive very long walk I did on a late winter evening in Vancouver as a young woman with a broken heart, in a cold foggy rain, ending up in a coffee shop for a warm-up coffee and talking to a stranger for comfort- and the best of all running barefoot through a sudden summer storm on the farm in Alberta as a child, arms flung wide, head tilted back and mouth wide open to catch the refreshing raindrops.  After all this reminiscing in this very wet walk I came home happy, soaked and satisfied. Autumn is here!  There is nothing so exhilerating as seasonal changes. So take my advice-again- dear readers, don't fall into the trap of autumn- rain depression, but gird yourself in all your rain gear and brave the wonderful elements that nature in her abundance gives us.

BLOGG# 61 LIVING SPHERICALLY

As you no doubt know, constant readers, I have not written in my blogg for many months. The reason is that my life has been rather complicated and many layered and to survive in my usual smoothly unperturbed sophisticated way, I decided to take that wise Italian film maker- Fellini's advice- ( I am now watching again the old iconic LA Dolce Vita and Julliet of the spirits" his great movies) and live spherically- which I have done.What does this mean? To me, it means to live enthusiastically at all levels in a globally embracing way without judging events, embracing all  in open arms even these events that are unpleasant or hurtful. This takes energy and concentration and this Blogger needed it all to live spherically. I can now say this way of living works and my life is smooth. But now I see you need an example. Last winter due to having to eat a restrictive diet for health reasons, I delightfully lost weight. This,as all women know, means new clothes and lots of shopping and I applied myself enthusiastically. I am sure you all read my favourite magazine- Vogue- and are aware that the new spring pant was a pencil thin and delightfully colourful one so I embraced this pant happily and spent the summer months smugly sporting this new look and it was good. An enjoyable summer. Unfortunately as the summer advanced to Autumn, so did my waistline and these lovely pants, even though made of stretch material, could not expand at the same rate. I realized the pants must go- the same way my too big pants went last spring-to my favourite second hand store known as "My sister's closet". Living spherically, I bundled  them up and with tears in my eyes took them to the shop so some slim Sylph -like creature could enjoy them, and perhaps, if lucky, repurchase my once "too big" pants. I was in luck- the shop owed me fifty dollars from the sale of the big ones and I could now buy "new" ones in my new size. You see now dear bloggers how well living spherically works and I advise you to do the same. You couldn't do better than listen to Fellini.

BLOG# 60 UNPREDICTABLE PAST

From on the unpredictable, suspect, probably false, nostalgic path. As you dear readers are very aware, one of my favourite pastimes is walking down the paths of nostalgia- my own life or anyone else-be it in old black and white movies, in life magazines of the 1930 to 1950 issues dreamingly browsing through the photos and ruminating on such iconic images as the famous photo of the homecoming sailor from the wars kissing the lovely blonde girl in white with her stocking seams straight and her body bent back almost double in ecstasy- an image that encapsulates all that needs to be said about the rapture felt at the end of that horrible and deprived time-, or the images of emaciated models in 1920 Vogue fashion magazines. However, in the past few weeks while getting ready to leave home on an exciting and strenuous trip to Turkey- yes- your wandering blog gist is on the move again- I have been unaccountably living in a nostalgic blur of my past life- my childhood and youth, but especially my childhood-perhaps a sign of a deteriorating mind- and have been noticing a highly suspicious tendency to improve and change my memories as I wander through this nostalgic path. This tendency is insidiously changing my own version of my past which I mistakenly thought of as "Cast in stone" This is very disconcerting. I am busily trying to change my viewpoint on all my hard won justifications of past neurosis and failures, a favourite viewpoint where I, with the help of my psychologist ,busily blame all these negatives on my parents, teachers, the environment or what have you. I now am trying to rearrange my nostalgic past again to make me appear in a satisfactory light. All this busyness in remanufacturing my past to meet my approval has kept me very preoccupied and away from my beloved typewriter and this blog is a gentle reminder to all of you from your Auntie blogger to be aware of the insidiousness of walking down the seductive nostalgic path as it is unpredictable, and can put you in the same place I am in, which is doubting my own remembered past-a precarious place to be. I will now close this rambling blog and will hopefully continue in a more interesting environment-Turkey- for the next one

BLOG # 59 YUMMMM TAX TIME

Yummm- My favourite- Tax time! Yes, dear readers, it has happened again- my favourite time of the year- as sure as taxes itself- Tax Time. As you can imagine, I have a long and loving relationship with the taxation department- probably the most consistent relationship of my life. It started in my early twenties. I believe the first time I filed one was when I was working in Montreal in the fifties. Yes, taxation existed even in that ancient time-I must have done the filing on my own-it is all rather in the dim past- but the reason I remember is that I was planning a long extended trip to Europe and being a good Canadian I filed my taxes before I left. I spent the next six months in carefree bliss hitching hiking around Europe with my friend and when the money was depleted returned to London to work. I then picked up my mail from the American express- that is what we did in those “olden times” dear readers- no emails, no computers. With the mail were several letters from the Quebec provincial taxation office complete with a court order to show up. The amount was $1.89. I had made a mistake- a habit I have continued faithfully to this day whenever I am foolish enough to do my own taxes-and the tax department demanded instant payment. I wrote a long letter of explanation along with a postal note for the amount – I can’t remember what I had to pay for this transaction, but I remember adding up the postage stamps the taxation office spent on their notices and it equaled the amount owing. The next few years I resided in Greece so had no further interaction with this institution and when I returned to Canada I used a professional service- the only irritation I had was I could not claim childcare expenses though having to support my family. When I retired it seemed prudent to do my own again and my dear friend told me the taxation office had a new program one could use by phone which was free! All you had to do was follow instructions and they would walk you through the procedure and so I decided to do it. Well dear readers, there I was, phone in one hand, volumes of tax papers in the other, and T-slips, bills etc falling on the floor. The program was taped- no patient understanding human voice - just a monotone consistent one giving me instructions to put “T-4 slip in the No. 256 blank, then turn to page 65 and copy it again and then refer back to page 22 to confirm” then on to the next step- without- I- kid- you -not taking a breath. “Wait” I shouted “I haven’t found page 65, and I can’t find my T4 slip –it fell on the floor” This had no effect, the voice did not stop. As I grappled on the floor all the other papers followed too –a veritable waterfall of tax forms and the voice still went on in an exorable monotone… I burst into tears at this point and sobbed as I haven’t since my heart was broken in the early fifties. This outburst shocked me very much. That the Taxation Department could have such an extreme effect on me as to create an emotional crisis equal to heartbreak was very disturbing. I finally controlled my sobs, took some aspirin to control my pounding headache, and said to myself “Laurie, there exist infinitely wise people in comfortable offices who will politely do all this for a mere sixty bucks- are you out of your mind?” I did just that and was happy. But just recently another friend gave me access to a computer program to file my own for free. I have had this program for a while now and occasionally glance at it askance and skeptically. Am I going to use it? Ahhh dear readers -that is the million dollar question. I am sorry I will not answer it, but will keep you in suspense ---- Happy Taxation time to you too.

BLOG #50 THE EASTER HUNT IS ON

The Easter Hunt is on! It is spring at last, the grass is acid green, the daffodils nod, and the bunnies are girding their loins for the annual Easter Egg hunt. In reality this means all young mothers are planning on waking up at six A.M. Easter Sunday and hiding sickly gaudy sugar-laden candy eggs in their gardens and all the rooms of their houses-in hopes this will allow them to sleep in longer- parents are always optimistic and delusional. And the dentists, of course, are busy sharpening their instruments and planning future expensive holidays. All this I have done in my own time as a young mother. I can still remember freezing rain-drenched Easter Sunday mornings at 6 A.M. barefoot and nighty-clad frantically hiding these toxic eggs in a sodden garden. I also remember, six months later, finding sticky melted greeny and pinky melted messes in such unlikely places as under the toaster, in the oven, or taped in the toilet tank. I don’t know where my mind was at -those many years ago-to fall into that commercial trap. But that is not my greatest sin-and being Easter it is good to use that word- but I also influenced my daughter too! For there she was, thirty years later, in pajamas in the freezing cold, barefooted, hiding these awful sticky eggs in unlikely places muttering to herself “I can’t believe I am doing this” The sins of the father---etc-etc-and so on it goes. But two days ago I glimpsed a break in these clouds of habitual neuroses- My masseuse was chattering on happily about the pending Easter festivities and the Easter hunt. I had to protest- not another generation under this yoke- this chain had to be broken and so I protested “no , stop. Stop. No more sickly sweet Easter eggs please” and she laughingly corrected me with “Not eggs. We hide and then hunt beer cans- and there is nothing more wonderful than finding the first one and opening it with a snap and guzzling it down. The day just gets happier. And the best of all is finding a forgotten one in the mailbox two months later!” So there is hope for Easter after all. I love the resilience and imagination of the human species. It can always find a way out of the mire and surmount the impossible to reach greater heights and greater enjoyment. Happy Easter dear readers and good hunting.

BLOG #49 "AM I BLUE"

Am I Blue OK I have just opened my files to my essays on a heading with nothing in it, on a subject that obviously I had been inspired to write, in the middle of the night, with full confidence that I would remember my inspiration the next morning. Now I cannot even remember the date, the season, or year that I rushed and wrote these inspiring words, let alone remember what it was I was burning to write. It is at times like these I question my ability as a serious writer and feel that aspiring to be a :blogger' is as high as I can go. All I can think of now when I see these words "am I blue" is the lovely melancholic song popular in the 20's, and that it is in one of my favourite Canadian movies about a small dance band in the prairies during the second world war. I also remember fondly the lovely heroine singing it in a heartrending and amateur way which is always so effective. When I dashed to my computer that long time ago and wrote these words was this meant to be a homage to a movie? Or was I just feeling blue? Or was it because it was that dramatic time- probably three am- when suicidal thoughts overpower victims of depression; or when romantically inclined people-like me-become wistful in their lonely beds; or was I compulsively moved to expose those hidden repressed thoughts that churned through my head at this maligned hour -recounting my misguided actions over these many years of my life ,to say nothing of my missed pleasures? If that is so, thank goodness I did not continue this theme and blocked it out. There is nothing as boring as the whining thoughts of missed pleasures and misguided lives. So if these are all irrelevant subject matters on the theme "am I blue" I would like to drop these conjectures. Instead I will concentrate on the significance of the word 'blue" It is a powerful word- in terms of colour – it is sacred, it is a divine hue- Mary, mother of Jesus, is most often depicted in paintings robed in blue. It is a restful hue- imagine a sky coloured in any other colour than blue! How our hearts leap in joy when we see this blue, it is such a happy colour. Think of the many odes and songs written to beautiful blue eyes, blue skies, blue bluebells- perhaps not blue bells-I made that up-perhaps one of you dear readers with talent could write one. In contrast to all these virtues of "blue" there is the fact that blue is also considered a negative colour- cold, not compassionate, definitely lacking in passion. We are never "Blue with anger." Blue blood depicts all the worst characteristics of the human desire to categorise and isolate into superiority or inferiority. Death is associated with blue- one’s skin becomes bluish.. We become" blue' with cold. Picasso used the colour blue to depict extreme poverty in his “Blue Period” and of course the best of all - the" Era of the Blues" in jazz and the beloved “Blues” period. Oh my, how deep we can go into melancholy while listening to the "blues”. When coupled with the "am I "blue" takes on a whole range of feelings. To say "Am I blue" speaks of chapters of sorrowful feelings. One could write pages on trying to express what these three words cover but I won’t. The truth is, that I started this meandering blog in the beginning of March, following the most depressing of months-February- and as far as I am concerned, this title expresses the appropriate mood of this time- so if you feel blue don’t despair, you are being appropriate which is always a comfort-and perk up- the little rascal with floppy ears is peeking around the corner.

BLOGG # 41 I AM NOT A ST. VALENTINE SCROOGE

I am not a St.Valentine scrooge dear readers ,[of course there is a Valentine scrooge sitting in his living room cutting up hearts] however today. I decided to go downtown to buy a warm red hat and something caught my eye. I was walking down the street and saw a heart in a window! Doing a double take,I walked back and sure enough there was that iconic heart shaped chocolate box in Rogers Chocolate shop window! Surely I was mistaken, I was still in my Pre-Christmas, Post Christmas, Boxing Day, January-super-sales mode. For pity’s sake,I still had my Christmas tree up! How could that silly little naked fellow with wings and a bow and arrow be nudging my elbow? I still want to be in my winter cocoon, snuggled up in my arm chair, wine glass in my hand watching the "Casablanca" movie on my TV screen- not seeing red hearts in shop windows. What was February doing so close? I wanted to-like Scrooge- take a big garbage bag and gather up all the hearts,valentines and silly cupids and throw them into the Pacific Ocean off Dallas road;I wanted to hunch with my back up against my calendar and push back February! My goodness, the next thing I know, that horrible event the "Flower Day count" will be here if it hasn’t already been- those crazy eager-beaver flowercounters triumphantly shouting their numbers all across Canada in their smug way. I can almost get a whiff of that nasty pink animal with floppy ears and a tulip in his paw scurrying around a corner! At my time of life,dear young readers with all the time in the world,I want winter to crawl deliciously,slowly towards spring which looms far in the distance,Easter a mere dot on the horizon and blessed summer somewhere out there in the eeeeeeeeeeweigkeit- none of this rushing from celebration to celebration as in commercial spheres. No,I don’t want St.Valentine day yet! WHOA Mr.Time! slow down! Go back to the remembered turtle-pace of my six year old schooldays,and stop with the hearts, flowers and cupids already.