BLOG #49 "AM I BLUE"

Am I Blue OK I have just opened my files to my essays on a heading with nothing in it, on a subject that obviously I had been inspired to write, in the middle of the night, with full confidence that I would remember my inspiration the next morning. Now I cannot even remember the date, the season, or year that I rushed and wrote these inspiring words, let alone remember what it was I was burning to write. It is at times like these I question my ability as a serious writer and feel that aspiring to be a :blogger' is as high as I can go. All I can think of now when I see these words "am I blue" is the lovely melancholic song popular in the 20's, and that it is in one of my favourite Canadian movies about a small dance band in the prairies during the second world war. I also remember fondly the lovely heroine singing it in a heartrending and amateur way which is always so effective. When I dashed to my computer that long time ago and wrote these words was this meant to be a homage to a movie? Or was I just feeling blue? Or was it because it was that dramatic time- probably three am- when suicidal thoughts overpower victims of depression; or when romantically inclined people-like me-become wistful in their lonely beds; or was I compulsively moved to expose those hidden repressed thoughts that churned through my head at this maligned hour -recounting my misguided actions over these many years of my life ,to say nothing of my missed pleasures? If that is so, thank goodness I did not continue this theme and blocked it out. There is nothing as boring as the whining thoughts of missed pleasures and misguided lives. So if these are all irrelevant subject matters on the theme "am I blue" I would like to drop these conjectures. Instead I will concentrate on the significance of the word 'blue" It is a powerful word- in terms of colour – it is sacred, it is a divine hue- Mary, mother of Jesus, is most often depicted in paintings robed in blue. It is a restful hue- imagine a sky coloured in any other colour than blue! How our hearts leap in joy when we see this blue, it is such a happy colour. Think of the many odes and songs written to beautiful blue eyes, blue skies, blue bluebells- perhaps not blue bells-I made that up-perhaps one of you dear readers with talent could write one. In contrast to all these virtues of "blue" there is the fact that blue is also considered a negative colour- cold, not compassionate, definitely lacking in passion. We are never "Blue with anger." Blue blood depicts all the worst characteristics of the human desire to categorise and isolate into superiority or inferiority. Death is associated with blue- one’s skin becomes bluish.. We become" blue' with cold. Picasso used the colour blue to depict extreme poverty in his “Blue Period” and of course the best of all - the" Era of the Blues" in jazz and the beloved “Blues” period. Oh my, how deep we can go into melancholy while listening to the "blues”. When coupled with the "am I "blue" takes on a whole range of feelings. To say "Am I blue" speaks of chapters of sorrowful feelings. One could write pages on trying to express what these three words cover but I won’t. The truth is, that I started this meandering blog in the beginning of March, following the most depressing of months-February- and as far as I am concerned, this title expresses the appropriate mood of this time- so if you feel blue don’t despair, you are being appropriate which is always a comfort-and perk up- the little rascal with floppy ears is peeking around the corner.

BLOGG # 41 I AM NOT A ST. VALENTINE SCROOGE

I am not a St.Valentine scrooge dear readers ,[of course there is a Valentine scrooge sitting in his living room cutting up hearts] however today. I decided to go downtown to buy a warm red hat and something caught my eye. I was walking down the street and saw a heart in a window! Doing a double take,I walked back and sure enough there was that iconic heart shaped chocolate box in Rogers Chocolate shop window! Surely I was mistaken, I was still in my Pre-Christmas, Post Christmas, Boxing Day, January-super-sales mode. For pity’s sake,I still had my Christmas tree up! How could that silly little naked fellow with wings and a bow and arrow be nudging my elbow? I still want to be in my winter cocoon, snuggled up in my arm chair, wine glass in my hand watching the "Casablanca" movie on my TV screen- not seeing red hearts in shop windows. What was February doing so close? I wanted to-like Scrooge- take a big garbage bag and gather up all the hearts,valentines and silly cupids and throw them into the Pacific Ocean off Dallas road;I wanted to hunch with my back up against my calendar and push back February! My goodness, the next thing I know, that horrible event the "Flower Day count" will be here if it hasn’t already been- those crazy eager-beaver flowercounters triumphantly shouting their numbers all across Canada in their smug way. I can almost get a whiff of that nasty pink animal with floppy ears and a tulip in his paw scurrying around a corner! At my time of life,dear young readers with all the time in the world,I want winter to crawl deliciously,slowly towards spring which looms far in the distance,Easter a mere dot on the horizon and blessed summer somewhere out there in the eeeeeeeeeeweigkeit- none of this rushing from celebration to celebration as in commercial spheres. No,I don’t want St.Valentine day yet! WHOA Mr.Time! slow down! Go back to the remembered turtle-pace of my six year old schooldays,and stop with the hearts, flowers and cupids already.

BLOGG #41 A GIGANTIC GREEK TRAGEDY

A Greek tragedy of gigantic proportions This past Saturday I attended the opera- another of my passions almost equal to blogging and was submerged,overwhelmed and almost destroyed by the unremitting tragic passion of “LE TROJANS” by Berlioz. Greek drama I am familiar with and it is close to my heart even when created by a French composer. However five hours later. yes dear readers, five hours later-even I was satiated but not exhausted –oh no- I have great stamina when it comes to opera especially the Metropolitan opera. What really moved me was this tragic epic written thousands of years ago seemed not at all irrelevant and I was amazed how contemporary the theme still is. I totally identified with it- a modern tale of epic proportions. There in the exotic setting only the Met. can create, the misguided Trojans in despair and panic milled around gesticulating dramatically and completely ignoring the voice of reason represented by Cassandra the daughter of the King and a prophetess,as she protested and remonstrated in beautiful poetically phrased dire words of warning in a melodious voice. To no avail she warned the Trojans not to bring the huge statue of the horse into the gates. No one would listen but instead turned their fearful eyes to their betraying Gods who had their own agenda, thus sealing their own fate. Now dear readers, I ask you, does not this sound familiar? In vain poor Cassandra warned them, thus becoming the first to voice the old saw “beware of Greeks bearing gifts.” And sure enough, there were those damn Greeks in their signature helmets, spears and cute little skirts barely covering essentials, raping and pillaging the misguided Trojans. It was enough to make one tear one’s hair and cover oneself with ashes. The epic went on and on involving also the tragic Carpathians and two longish breaks before the opera finally ended in wild applause. As I gathered together my frazzled but exhilarated {the music and singers were incredibly beautiful] self, my drinks, the remains of my picnic lunch, and stumbled out into the mundane world outside the theater, I said to myself “Yes, I recognize the human element and tragedy, it is so familiar in today’s events and no, we have not come a long way baby." And so dear readers. take heed so you don't share the same fate as those blind Trojans,tear your eyes away from the false Gods represented here by T.V. and media and read my wise blogg instead-- Your tongue -in-cheek blogger s

BLOGG # 40 "AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR"

It is a well known fact that -another of my "questionable well known facts" dear readers-believe it if you wish- the way your new year unfolds depends on how well you have celebrated the New-Year Eve. If that would be the case, my life the past seventy odd years should have been passed in Hell. I don't know about you, but I have never been successful with my New Year Eve's choices. My childhood and early teens were spent-having no choice - with my religious family in the only proper way- on my knees in church listening to the twelve strokes of midnight and then listening to the minister praying to absolve us of our sins-in German.- not much fun and looking back on those years, especially my teen years, the fact is indeed proven. In my student years I fared not much better. With my usual luck I was often assigned to work the New Year Eve. In fact that is how I lost my then boyfriend, for what boy would tempt fate by not having a date on that most important night thus insuring a sexless year! My early twenties are not remarkable for outstanding New Year Eve bashes. I was married in Greece and every one knows the Greeks start a card playing frenzy the beginning of December which ends in the biggest longest card playing night on New Year's Eve. And you better believe the Greeks definitely hold with the well known fact as the financial success for the whole year depends on the success of that night. Once the children arrived, New Year's Eve became a blur of playing monopoly or something in a desperate attempt to help the kids stay awake until about 10.15 on their hopeful quest to see the New Year in. It was in the heyday of my Divorce Years that I thought my luck would change. Believe me -NOT- my wisest choice then was to elect to work the Eve thus, at double time and a half, I could at least insure an easier financial year. When I did choose to test the New Year Eve waters they were disasters. One was while in Toronto, when five of us decided to go to the trendy opening of a "Harbour Front Bash." By a quarter to midnight we had managed to get through the crush and get three glasses of warm champagne served in plastic glasses. We all left before midnight and spent the crucial midnight hour in a Tram. The worst one was in Vancouver when three of us were invited to a house party in trendy Kitsilano. We arrived at eleven pm-the earliest time possible fashionably. The house was suitably dark with subdued music and packed with aging forty-something people trying to look cool. By 11.30 someone came around with a handful of pills. I recognized the powerful sodium amytal sleeping pill and my friend the pharmacist recognized them all except one which he took home to analyze. At ten minutes to twelve the whole house was quiet with somnolent half heartedly amorous pairs coupled- not a pretty sight. We left before midnight- again! The next morning my friend called me at an early hour and said "get up! I refuse to have my Year destroyed because of that lousy New Year’s Eve. We are going out to celebrate with brunch to change the luck." So we did and drank much Champagne and orange juice. Did it make the new year better? I don't remember. So take my advice and choose wisely this New Year's Eve—and a HAPPY NEW YEAR -your faithful blogger

BLOGG# 39 WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS

"We wish you a Merry Xmas” versus "Silent Night , Holy Night" As you know, I am in the Christmas mood as all right living people should be. This means,of course, blatant commercial activities with no guilt attached So here I am tripping gaily off to the malls with unfortunately not a full pocket but with a generous spirit. So far I have been malling- love that word- in Victoria’s two major malls and have even visited the two major ones in the great metropolis of Vancouver—the sophisticated Downtown exclusive Eaton’s mall and the super crass Burnaby one for an orgy of vicarious living in the fast lane. During all these indulgent hours I have been serenaded by the latest “Christmas music” piped in via loudspeakers at the highest volume which blasts my “Hearing–aided” ears excruciatingly. Now I happen to love Christmas Carols –the true ones- and don’t really mind the shrill newer ones either, but it is a pity that I can not remember when I last heard “Silent Night “ in a Canadian mall. I suppose since it became politically incorrect I have not heard it and miss hearing it. The pros and cons of political correctness is not what this is about -not at all- it is about the “topsdurvyness of the cultural customs of our present planet. Years ago when I lived in Greece the Christmas festivities were strictly religious and subdued. The New Year was celebrated with gifts and the western Christmas with great spending was unknown. Two years ago I was in Athens, Greece for Christmas and we did a lot of “Malling.” There are many new huge malls since entering the E.U. and Christmas really underlines this new way of living. The malls in Athens and suburbs were an hyperbole of over the top commercialization—the Santas are bigger, the reindeer cuter, the tinsel more vulgar than any I had seen ever, and all the time –interlaced with the excited shouting of eager Greek consumers, the sounds of the original sacred Christmas music of old, so banned in North America at the malls. Here at last I got my fill of my favourite Christmas music - nary a sound of “We wish you a merry Christmas” or “I am dreaming of a White Christmas” or “Deck the Halls” Why was it that here in Greece I could hear all my old favourites? Of course, the Greek people, happily shopping, had no concept of the significance of these sacred pieces, nor did they listen to the words. No, they happily shopped to their hearts content imbued with the materialistic Western Christmas spirit inspired by these “foreign” and beautiful songs unaware of political correctness or sacrilege. When I left Greece I was satisfied and satiated because I finally had had my fill of favourite Christmas Music. I love our present cultural “topsydurvyness” in our great planet and advise you ,dear readers, to embrace it also and have a wonderful Xmas.

BLOGG# 38 CHRISTMAS IS COMING----

“Christmas is coming, the geese are getting fat, please put a penny in the old man’s hat --  the time has come for me to get into the Christmas whirl.  So far I am quite pleased.  Haven’t I already held my obligatory pre -pre Christmas dinner party?   Listen to me, my dear readers, it is important to get this under way as soon as possible after the 2^nd of December  because, and listen carefully, it is important to get the right and best people to this important event , and believe me, anyone worth inviting is booked solidly from the tenth at the very latest right to Christmas.  If they are not, it means they are not desirable and shouldn’t be in your Christmas whirl list.  That done and my dinner party was a great success naturally, I can go on to other Christmas acts.  First off is Christmas shopping.  Now I know there are people and I can’t say I admire them, who have done their Christmas shopping before the end of October, and I have a sneaking suspicion they did it on the previous boxing day sale, but I am too well mannered to say so.   The only way to do Christmas shopping is to go out every busy weekend and, along with the huge throngs, push your way through shops looking for inspirations.   I have spent many a happy hour over the years doing this.   Any other method or approach to Christmas shopping -for example “on line “shopping, is a sham and an insult to the Christmas spirit.  Unfortunately my family has grown up and all my grandchildren want is money and all their parents want is spirits of their choice to get through the festivities.  This is hardly a challenge to this veteran Christmas shopper.  However I refuse to put money in an envelope under the tree. No. This year both my grandsons will be getting a big package -and that is a basic criteria - a present should be packaged beautifully and be big.  They are both getting 100% cotton sheet sets.   It is time they learn one of the more important  lessons on becoming adults- that most important one of ” a well made comfortable seductively sheeted  bed”   They will thank me for that knowledge one day.   Needless to say the sheets will have subdued colours suitable for males- no flowers- and definitely not satin!   I take my grandmother role seriously.   So I seem to be really caught up with my Christmas whirl.   Of course in this wonderful time of my life I am excused from any form of Christmas baking and no one expects me to contribute to the obscene Christmas dinner.   All that is left for me to do is plunk my ready decorated tree by the window, stock up on my favourite drinks, turn on the T.V  and find my favourite black and white Christmas movies- The Christmas Carol, The bishop’s wife, Miracle on 34^th street and of course White Christmas- while sipping my favourite red wine.   The culmination of this whole Christmas orgy for me is on Christmas Eve, at dusk, when invariably I get an urge to shop for that last present- because there is no Christmas spirit as authentic as that felt at the last- minute shopping spree.  Struggling down the sparkling streets being jostled by merry or not crowds,  steam puffing out of your mouth into the crisp indigo night, or if you live on the west coast like I do, being entranced by the lights shimmering through the pelting rain and umbrellas is ,for me, the highest delight and I never miss it.  So dear readers join me on Christmas Eve on Main Street and really truly understand the true meaning of Christmas.  I remain  your wise Blogger 

BLOGG# 37 PEARLS OF WISDOM

 Pearls of wisdom                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

After a long hiatus dear readers, I have come  back- like a genie who reappears after some obliging person rubs his brass lamp and comes to dispense precious jewels- in my case precious pearls of wisdom.  Dropping from my wise lips, pouring out through my fingers into my trusty typewriter, spreading through the nether world of the internet blogg space, to be snatched up by my eager readers, I am busily spreading my words of wisdom.  So why “Pearls of Wisdom?’ and why suddenly am I the dispenser of such wisdom?--. Ah dear readers, I have just had my Tarot cards read and I am in the present a “seer” and seers are known to be wise.  To be told you are a “seer” is heady business and my head has definitely been turned.  I walk around with a wise expression waiting for any chance to express this wisdom hoping my friends will tap into it –so far not a bite---so far no one has come to me for advice and if I give any unasked it is not appreciated.  I am not sure why this is and I am reminded of another saying-“cast not thy pearls before swine”   This comforts me but not much.  Why, by the way, do we call wisdom “pearls”? Pearls seam a bit bland- they live in clams and clams we all know are dumb! So why do we have this saying?   Anyway the pearl is created from a grain of sand- nothing more unassuming than a grain of sand-and on top of it all, its existence depends on the pain it creates in the poor clam.  We know also the bigger the pearl the bigger the pain to the clam.  Where is the wisdom in that?   Oh I  know !   Pain begets wisdom.  It seems reasonable therefore to say “Clams of Wisdom” instead. This does not have the same ring to it somehow.

    The only purpose of pearls is adornment and every woman knows to have pearls next to her skin is vastly flattering and desirable- that is not wisdom but covetousness and vanity.   So., to sum up this rambling essay, pearls create  pain- not wisdom – they are a great pain.  I must remember this carefully as I give out my unasked “Pearls of Wisdom” and also perhaps remember that I am not a seer but, like the pearl, a “pain in the ass.