November 15 The Cathedral
Today is a cold drizzling November day. Everything has such a sullen feel to it even the brightest electric lights inside the house cannot dispel it and my melancholy increased as the day progressed. Eventually in desperation I put on my rain jacket and went outside. It is always less depressing out in the open air even though cold and wet, especially at four o'clock in the afternoon, the lowest gloomiest part of the day.
I decided against my usual walk down the country road and chose to walk up the path through the old abandoned orchard hoping to overcome the weight of this depressing November afternoon. Unfortunately the gloom did not lighten so I decided to wander into the forest grove at the end of the property.
The terrain of the little forest was uneven with toadstools springing up at random and slippery moss treacherously covering fallen branches and the burrows of small creatures living there. This made it very difficult for me to walk. My eyesight was challenged by the cataracts and I did not have a cane, even so, I wanted to continue and walked deeper into the darkening forest. The silence was overwhelming, I felt uneasy, unsure of my footing, unsure of my eyesight and felt alone in this eerie silence. I also feared the possibility of falling in this isolated place and became even more aware of the deep loneliness.
Suddenly I heard a bird chirp and looked up through the deepening dusk to try and see it. To my amazement what I saw was the roof of a cathedral with high columns closing in a perfect arch. I was of course standing in the center of a circle of very tall firs with their the tips leaning into each other, remarkably resembling the dome of a cathedral. I was awed and felt reverence and wonder growing inside me as I stood there among these sacred trees. They reached to the heavens for all the world like a Gothic medieval cathedral such as the ones I loved to look at in my youth in Europe.
In this bemused state I looked for the stained glass windows in the gaps between branches and saw an imaginary glimpse of muted reverent beauty there. Then all at once the wind started up stirring the branches and the phantom stained glass windows disappeared. The rain started to fall harder , the wind increased and moving menacing shadows appeared as the huge branches slowly moved back and forth in the rain distorting the figures in the stained glass windows. Suddenly the magic disappeared along with my overly active imagination. Eerie reality set in. My uneasiness returned and I headed out of the forest as quickly as I could, glad to be back in the real dreary world again.
November 30th- Winter light
Today I was examined by my eye doctor one week after my cataract surgery and was given the green light to all activities. I decided on my usual four pm walk in the forest. It was sunny and had that cold smell of winter. I walked briskly, joyfully and freely until I reached the top of a hill where I paused to look at my favourite view, the cold wind caressing my cheeks. The sun was a perfect winter gold, the sky was a typically clear winter pale blue, there were a few scattered clouds, the mountains were a deep shade of indigo and the ocean was a sheet of pale blue grey crystal. The whole world was the crisp clear crystal that I had almost forgotten.
As I looked this view faded to early dusk and I vividly remembered a scene from my childhood. As a brisk wind brushed my cheeks with a tingle, I was suddenly transported back to the farm just after coming home from school at four o'clock, the Alberta wind on my cheeks, bursting with joy and well being. As I watched the sun fade over the ocean as I did over the prairies,as a child, watching the soft brilliant light before it fades to a moody blue, the palest blue turned to a golden pale glow, the Payne's grey of the looming clouds and mountains turned deep indigo and the shimmering sheet of ocean turned white. I saw again the ocean- like prairie fields of my childhood home -the true Prairie ocean -covered in white snow, just like the Pacific ocean I was looking at now and saw the cold clear Alberta winter sky again and I was glad.
What a gift! To be transported for an instant to childhood and look with the fresh eyesight of a child again at this glorious world we live in. How clear and and crisp everything looked. How humbly I thanked my skilled surgeon. How humbly I thanked the epoch I am living in which allows me to have the eyesight of a child again.
There is nothing more precious than to feel the joy and wonder a child feels and I was lucky enough to do so today. So dear readers, remember to go back to the sensations of childhood whenever you can, they are a gift. And never give up the joyful child in you. And in closing remember your inner child and see the new " Mary Poppins Returns" this Christmas season--I am.
