BLOGG # TWO DAYS IN NOVEMBER

November is the darkest month of the year and it has been made darker for me because my cataract surgery was scheduled the end of this month and it was getting difficult to see. Because of this  I felt unsure of driving and decided to spend this month with my family in the country.  My blogg is about two  days I experienced this November.

   November 15   The Cathedral
 Today is a cold drizzling November day. Everything has  such a sullen feel to it even the brightest electric lights inside the house cannot dispel it and my melancholy increased as the day progressed. Eventually in desperation I put on my rain jacket and went outside.  It is always less depressing out in the open air even though cold and wet, especially at four o'clock in the afternoon, the lowest gloomiest part of the day.
I decided against my usual walk down the country road and chose to walk up the path  through the old abandoned orchard hoping to overcome the weight of this depressing November afternoon. Unfortunately the gloom did not lighten so I decided to wander into the forest grove at the end of the property.
  The terrain of the little forest was uneven with toadstools springing up at random and slippery moss treacherously covering fallen branches and the burrows of small creatures living there. This made it very difficult for me to walk. My eyesight was challenged by the cataracts and I did not have a cane, even so, I wanted to continue and walked deeper into the darkening forest. The silence was overwhelming, I felt uneasy, unsure of my footing, unsure of my eyesight and felt alone in this eerie silence.  I also feared the possibility of falling in this isolated place and became even more aware of the deep loneliness.

Suddenly I heard a bird chirp  and  looked up through the deepening dusk to try and see it. To my amazement what I saw was the roof of a cathedral with high columns closing in a perfect arch. I was of course standing in the center of a circle of very tall firs with their  the tips leaning into each other, remarkably resembling  the dome of a cathedral.  I was awed and felt reverence and wonder growing inside me as I stood there among these sacred trees. They reached to the heavens for all the world like a Gothic medieval cathedral such as the ones I loved to look at in my youth in Europe.

  In this bemused state I looked for the stained glass windows in the gaps between branches and saw an imaginary glimpse of muted reverent  beauty there.  Then all at once the wind started up stirring the branches and the phantom stained glass windows disappeared. The rain started to fall harder , the wind increased and moving menacing shadows appeared as the huge branches slowly moved back and forth in the rain distorting the figures in the stained glass windows. Suddenly the magic disappeared along with my overly active imagination.  Eerie reality set in. My uneasiness returned and I headed out of the forest as quickly as I could, glad to be back in the real dreary world again. 
 
 November 30th- Winter light
Today I  was examined by my eye doctor one week after my cataract surgery and was given the green light to all activities. I decided on my usual four pm walk in the forest. It was sunny and had that cold smell of winter. I walked briskly, joyfully and freely until I reached the top of a hill where I paused to look at my favourite view, the cold wind caressing my cheeks.  The sun was a perfect winter gold, the sky was a typically clear winter pale blue, there were a few scattered clouds, the mountains were a deep shade of indigo and the ocean was a sheet of pale blue grey crystal. The whole world was the  crisp clear crystal that I had almost forgotten.


 As I looked this view faded  to early dusk and I vividly remembered a scene from my childhood. As a brisk wind brushed my cheeks with a tingle, I was suddenly  transported back to the farm just after coming home from school at four o'clock, the Alberta wind on my cheeks, bursting with joy and well being. As I watched the sun fade over the ocean as I did  over the prairies,as a child, watching the soft brilliant light before it fades to a moody blue, the palest blue  turned to a golden pale glow, the Payne's grey of the looming clouds and mountains turned deep indigo and the shimmering sheet of ocean turned white.   I saw again the  ocean- like  prairie fields of my childhood home -the true Prairie ocean -covered in white snow, just  like the Pacific ocean I was looking at now and saw the cold clear Alberta winter sky again and I was glad.

 What a gift! To be transported for an instant to childhood and look with the fresh eyesight of a child again at this glorious world we live in. How clear and and crisp everything looked.  How humbly I thanked my skilled surgeon. How humbly I thanked the epoch I am living in which allows me to have the eyesight of a child again. 
There is nothing more precious than to feel the joy and wonder a child feels and I was lucky enough to do so today. So dear readers, remember to go back to the sensations of childhood whenever you can, they are a gift. And never give up the joyful child in you. And in closing remember your inner child and see the new " Mary Poppins Returns" this Christmas season--I am.

BLOGG # THE FELLED GIANTS

It is autumn again  and time for my Autumn blog.
Autumn is always a time for reflection: time to ponder on the passing of seasons, the quick passing of summer and the time for death and  renewal.  This is the time I decide on new adventures for the coming year.This usually means taking interesting courses. However this is not the subject I have chosen to talk about.  Today I will talk of something else. All this  summer I have been musing on the life cycle of the lowly sunflower and wish to share these thoughts with you.
My daughter planted several sunflowers seeds in spring and I have been watching their amazing growth. The sunflower's purpose in life is to reach up to the sky and turn it's face to the sun to enable the seeds to grow and mature so they can fall to the ground and replenish the earth with more sunflowers-really the purpose of all living creatures including us. This they did admirably and because it was a hot long summer they grew and stretched and tilted their faces to the sun until they were ten feet tall giants with huge heads at least a foot across. As the summer lengthened the sunflower heads turned away from the sun, slowly drooped and faced the earth. In my ignorance I thought their thick stems were too weak to hold them up and suggested propping with sticks, but my daughter said no--they did this purposely to prevent the birds eating the seeds  and to facilitate the dropping of the seeds to the ground.

Two weeks ago, after the rains came, I drove out to visit and saw to my horror three giant decapitated sunflower heads plopped haphazardly in a wagon looking very sad indeed. The rains had overwhelmed them-they could no longer ripen in the sun. The heavy  rain had dragged the heads into the muddy ground so they were cut off. I found this shocking- three great giants cut down in the prime of life before finishing their task.
Why did these giants fail?  Why were they felled? They failed of course because they had been planted in the rain forest-that is why.  They should have been planted in southern France where a Van Gogh could paint them in all their glory and where they could complete their task. I mourned their passing and their loss of purpose but my daughter pointed out that many of the seeds were still capable of ripening when the heads are put into the sun again-so not all is lost.
I took heart and remembered we humans sometimes too are felled or fall or falter before completing what we set out to do.  We also have a choice and can change and adapt when life becomes  difficult as these giants did and can still have a purposeful life for we too are the giants of our very own world.
So  take heart dear readers -remember you are the giant of your own world no matter what comes this season and take charge.
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Blogg # THE LOWLY CALIFORNIA POPPY

 As a little child I spent every Sunday morning, wearing my Sunday best, going to Sunday school for lessons. My favourite one was from St. Mathew's - "Consider the lilies of the field how they

grow:they toil not neither do they spin. Yet I say unto you,that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one"
This lesson appealed to me because of my inclination to idleness-my favourite pastime was hiding on top of a haystack counting clouds and of course it also appealed to me because of my passion for fashion-I designed and made gowns for my paper dolls-Lucille Ball and Loretta Young. However I did not really like lilies. They seemed aloof,cold, smug and they smelled too sweet.They were also waxy to touch-children are sensitive to such things. I did not consider them Solomon's rival.
This past weekend I fled from Victoria to my daughter in the countryside to escape and recuperate from my whirlwind social life in inner Victoria and trendy Oak Bay Village-Ha! -note massive irony-and there  I at last saw Solomon's rival.
My daughter had  solved ground coverage not by putting in  green lawn but  by scattering packets of wild flower seeds. The pleasing result is waving tall grasses that the cat can stalk through hunting critters; masses of tiny timid flowers of all colours and of course the lowly California poppy.
I spent the weekend reclining on a chaise lounge reading detective novels and contemplating nature. Hours were spent gazing at the ocean; admiring Mt. Baker; watching vultures and eagles circling the vast blue sky; listening to the rustle of leaves ;the sighing of wind through the pines and fir and of course listening to the song of birds and the  call of our local raven. But most of all I gazed at the lowly poppies which dominated the whole area in all their glory.
As I sipped  my first  cup of morning coffee I watched  these amazing flowers slowly open their petals to the sun and as the morning progressed watched as they voluptuously widened, embracing the sun- their vibrant colours challenging it's blaze.  I too embraced the sun and marveled at the intense gold of this generous humble flower. Truly Solomon never had such a golden garment -nor for that neither did the Queen of Sheba-my other favourite biblical character. Even the Emperor of China whose yellow robes  -that  intense yellow symbolizing absolute  power- did not match the vibrancy of this lowly flower.
Hours spent idling can expand to eternity if you are smart enough to let it -and I am.  The  minutes became hours and hours felt like days-and indeed that was how my day went while watching this amazing flower. As the day progressed and the sun moved through it's path, the poppy moved with it-turning it's face with worship to the sun.  As the wind rose in the afternoon,  the poppy shimmered in golden  ecstasy-as though touched by king Midas.
When finally the sun started to sink in the horizon, the poppy also started to change. Slowly it's petals curled inwards, fluting tightly until she became virginally closed, holding her beauty in secret. The day was over and the night was needed to replenish her strength for tomorrow when again she would generously give up her beauty to the sun and of course to us.
I too prepared for sleep and contemplated the lessons of the day. Yes -I had learned much from the lowly California poppy.  Its true- one does not need to spend lots of money to have a beautiful flower.  I spent seven dollars on a rose plant and she is lovely but I could have spent only pennies on a poppy seed to have a riot of golden colour.  Also one  does not have to spend thousands of dollars on clothes to be beautiful-one needs only to let one's own inner beauty shine through-it costs nothing-here my faith in myself stumbled a bit-but never mind -if the poppy can do it so can I. The other lesson of course-my favourite is -stop toiling and spinning ! -it is not necessary to do that for the beauty to shine through [fingers crossed]. However the best lesson is- there is always tomorrow. Then I  can practice the lessons learned from the California poppy.
 So dear readers -stop toiling and spinning,become idle and let your beauty shine through and remember there is always another day tomorrow. Have a wonderful summer.

BLOGG #--THE LURE OF AN OLD ABANDONED ORCHARD

For the past few years I have been watching  the crumbling and dying of an old orchard. The fruit trees-apple and  plum -are wizened, twisted and bent almost double and covered in lichen and moss. Each time I visit them more deterioration has occurred. The process is gentle but steady and fascinating.  I notice that every time I enter the sensations I feel are different.-sometimes sadness as I see these old weakened trees bending  over and  struggling to stay upright. I imagine them young - firm, vibrant and upright in their youth-virile and proudly bearing their fruit. At this time as I walk around I feel sorrow for their lost youth. It also, naturally, gives me the opportunity to examine mine. The melancholy that rises at this time is like a miasma covering the whole dying orchard -especially if it is raining -we all are bent over and seem to bond together in this sorrow. Trees have always been the kings of influence in creating atmosphere and we humans feel it.
Fortunately these are not the only sensations I feel.  Other times I enter and feel their strength as they battle with their illnesses- for they are ill. Then I feel their pride in their strength and their refusal to give up in spite of overwhelming age. I love that and I too am proud of my strength. For these trees are still productive. Every spring a few blossoms appear and in the height of summer,bravely,small overly- sweet plums and hard little deformed apples appear. We pick some and make apple pie or plum upside down cake or cobbler. Also the deer eat them- for the fruit is easy to reach [they are not as careful as we are but rather wasteful as they bite into each fruit once and discard it leaving a trail of spoil ed fruit. But what a joy for these old sick wizened trees. To be useful still.  I, of course, bond with them again and am proud that I still am useful and proud to be alive.
The best time is when I take my sketch book and try to put them on paper.  This is slow work as they are so contorted. It is difficult to get their essence. During this very quiet time as I struggle, there is real communication. We talk about our long lives. We talk about how we have changed. We talk about what we have learned about life what we have seen and what lessons we have painfully  learned.

Walking through an abandoned orchard is very different and can be very exciting. I remember an abandoned apple orchard on a Gulf Island. I came upon it suddenly- a lush group of trees bearing apples. What questions stimulated my overactive mind as I imagined it's history. It was romantic to walk through the silent trees and picturing it,


Another abandoned orchard I want to talk about was one my girlfriend and I stumbled on when we were young in  the Okanagan valley near Kelowna where I grew up. It was a hot lazy Sunday afternoon -believe me, there is nothing lazier than a hot Kelowna Sunday afternoon- We decided to explore the mountain at the back of their orchard. We rambled up and over until we reached the Okanagan lake. There in the shimmering light was an abandoned peach orchard.  There were no buildings, no roads, just mountain and lake. The orchard was on the top of a high cliff. The trees were laden with overripe golden and red fruit. Of course we feasted until gorged, Then we put as many as we could carry folded in our full skirts-yes in those days girls wore skirts on Sundays-and walked home, On the way we did meet a rattler but fortunately not a grizzly bear. This is one of my favourite  memories.


My favourite book as a child was "The Secret Garden" a book about an English girl born in India who was forced to move to her uncle's castle in Yorkshire England  after her parents died in India of cholera. The story revolves around her attempt to find and then restore an abandoned hidden walled garden, The idea of a hidden secret garden was magical to me-a little girl growing up in Alberta where there were no secrets, everything was out in the open in the vast prairies. I passed  many magical hours in this forbidden hidden walled garden. Everyone should have a hidden secret garden. Of course that is not possible except in our imagination. There we too can spend many happy hours nurturing and bringing to life our own abandoned hidden garden. Aren't we lucky.

BLOGG # - 2018--THE YEAR OF COMPLICITY

A few days ago,while I was having coffee with a friend, she told me  that "Complicit" is the official
word for 2018. I said I was not aware this term existed. She said it did and this year this particular word was chosen because of a question a reporter asked the wife of the current President of the United States. She was asked if she was complicit with the ideas and decisions of the president- her husband. She replied that she was complicit with the good ones but not complicit with the bad ones.
A  red light went on in my head. Can one be "complicit" with something "good?" I thought "complicit" had a negative feeling. I was right.  I looked it up on Google and sure enough the definition in both the Webster and Oxford dictionaries state that to be complicit with something does  usually mean it is  illegal or at least shady.
I decided to check with the internet to see if "complicit" really is the official word of 2018. It is. It did not tell me why we need an official "word for the year".

I also looked up to see if there was an  official word for the year 2017. Yes there was. The word for 2017 was"Youthquake"
I understood that of course. If I am clear on one thing it is the impact of the youth on Culture today.
I admire their awareness and cool assessment of the world they live in. I also saw how the youth of  America woke up last year to the fact that Democracy in the U.S. is not the perfect democracy they were taught to believe and I like their reaction to this. It is even better this year as they bravely hold the Adult world accountable for the gun laws and protest the blatant  murdering of themselves  in the schools and on the streets. So yes, last year was their wakening to their flawed world in 2017 and the impact was great. The word Youthquake was appropriate.  On a less serious subject-their impact on the world of fashion is huge. The major designers go out on the streets to see what the youth is wearing then go into their Ateliers, copy their ideas and the "Fashionable" at great expense walk around trying to look like them.

The word for 2018 on the other hand is disconcerting to say the least. Is it appropriate?  Does it mean we will all be involved in complicity this year? I fear we may well be. It will be very difficult to untangle ourselves from the webs our present leaders are weaving. We will be involved whether we want to or not. Being complicit in shadiness, illegality and dishonesty seem to be the key words this year. That is why it was chosen I guess.
I also found out you can participate in the choosing of the "word of  the year." You can send in your choice and the most frequently chosen word will be chosen.  You can be part of it all. I decided not to do this as I can never fill out a form on line without making a mistake.

 However I know I do not want to waste this year on such a negative word and I do not want to be involved in complicity-good or bad so I have decided to choose my own word for 2018. The word I have chosen is  "Bliss!"
I am delighted with this word and immediately decided to celebrate it by blissfully painting a sketch of a bouquet of tulips I bought to cheer me up. The tulips,blissfully, were a rhapsody of riotous orange, red, yellow and mauve Easter colours- You can see the result above.
So my advice to you -again- is choose your own 2018 Word Of The Year-choose carefully and beautifully and then choose to live it abundantly all year.  Definitely forget the official word "Complicit."
Happy Easter from your blissfully happy Blogger.


 

BLOGG # BEDS OF CROCUSES

Last year at this time I wrote about the time when I was walking my favourite walk to find spring flowers especially the crocuses on the mossy bank by the kindergarten adjacent to St.Mary's church. To my horror the school was gone, the mossy bank was gone and in it's place were huge construction machines taking massive bites out of the yard. The crocuses where gone except for one lone one. I mourned the loss of this lovely bed of crocuses.  A year has passed.  Yesterday I did the same walk. To my surprise I saw a mass of crocuses spreading over the construction site. They were scattered from the crumbled mossy wall to the new houses springing up.

  I had to paint them-these shimmering blossoms shivering in the cold wind- bravely defiantly spreading themselves over the whole area. What moxy!  Previously they just were confined to the mossy bank but not any more. Now they are luxuriantly stretching their wings-or rather roots covering the lot.
What a lesson for me I thought as I sketched. What a confirmation of positive survival in the face of catastrophe! What resilience and adaptability to an adverse action. These little insignificant blooms can be our teacher. They did not throw up their heels and die as expected. No- they survived and multiplied. What a smack in our eye.
Then I thought about myself in this past year. It too was difficult and changes were necessary and I sometimes felt despair. Also others I know felt the same in their individual lives but more importantly in the affairs of the troubled world also. This had been a difficult year.
We all feel despair at the upheaval of the planet. The uprooting of peoples from their homes and now homeless. The thoughtlessness of ongoing chaos. Will it ever stop- will we survive as good human beings?  Everyone everywhere has these thoughts now and it is easy to lose hope but I decided to take the crocus as example. I  have a  choice after all and instead of despairing I will look to the lowly crocus which always gave me joy especially in the drab spring of the prairies when I was a little girl and thought that spring would never come.
I decided I would use these crocuses which all my life have been the harbingers of joy and light to remind me that life is a privilege not just a right and I must not despair but like them fight to survive and grow in spite of misfortunes happening around us and be harbingers of light and joy too.
Yes this is a tall order but necessary if we want to survive as a species. Remember despair is an assault on the human spirit. Do not give it power.